to find and keep my peace…
Personal challenge turn share with everyone challenge a) for accountability, and b) so that maybe we can do it together if it resonates with you? All to say, it’s a long time coming for me and one that I need to flex new muscles for in a big way.
We know that holding things in for a long time doesn’t feel great. Resentment builds up, it puts a strain on our mental health and relationships, making us feel tired and unhappy, anxious and angry. And that’s just what we feel. Suppressing our immune system, causing chronic inflammation and other health concerns are other very real things that come up when we hold back, hold on, and push down.
While I am pretty good at being non reactive, when I do feel myself pushed to an edge of reactivity, it causes fear in my cells because I’m just not accustomed to it. And that makes me shut down or want to walk away. Not ideal tools for problem solving.
A term that I’ve heard used that really resonated with me is to start becoming more aware of what causes a “contraction” in our bodies. It could be thinking about a certain situation, a person, it might come up in a conversation with a partner (oof), or even in relation to something you said/did/did not do. And once we are aware of “contractions”, using them as a telling sign that something needs to be addressed. For me, a contraction often feels like a glitch in my stomach, heart or throat. A pang of discomfort. Something - even if I can’t put my finger on it - that is not sitting well with me. Usually, for most of us, embodied sensations, rather than intellectualized ones.
So I challenge us all (myself included) to be mindful of contractions that come up. And when one does, to get still and quiet and say out loud, in the moment, what you feel and what is coming up. There may be some contractions that move through by acknowledging them. Others might need to be worked through by talking to a friend or journaling about your feelings. Lastly, and the biggest challenge of all, would be to address contractions in real time. Practicing with close and trusted friends in moments of conflict is a great place to start having those conversations as the more we get to have to them the better we’ll be at smoothing things out (for ourselves) in the moment, and setting free the stuff that weighs us down.