on growth

There’s been a dichotomy that has existed since Sebi was born - where I’ve been both in my purpose as his mama, and yet often diluted in my sense of self.

The roads of my mind are diverging, though, where the divergence is, allows the fog and lack of reference to take its own path, leaving me walking lighter, with empowerment in my sense of self and voice and clarity of what’s important now.

It is a time where, the more I put down, the less I pick up.

(Mainly, other people’s crap.)

It is a place that feels lonely at times, as I learn about boredom and space.

It is a person who is learning to move in new ways, ditching the former reliable people-pleaser, and being ok moving with a less traditional societal map.

My thoughts, the energy I let my body live inside, my reactions and responses I’m retraining and learning from, so I’m left with the ones that heal me rather than make me sick, inspire me rather than burn me out, leave me lit up rather than unsatiated.

Where the discomfort feels sharpest is in redefining what feels like purpose, what feels like success, what feels like happiness, what feels peaceful. I’m still working that through, along with my “no comparison in 2025” motto, and the process is so needed, if not just as dissonant.

The point of it all, on growth, I suppose, is that the two sides of something that seems dichotomous are actually both harmoniously giving and taking, learning from each other. And as such, I’m at this stage of growth not in spite of, but thanks to my teacher, Sebi.