the latest transformation

Transformations are sticky. As someone who errs towards control (hello Virgo moon), the mirky in between times, the longing for clarity, the slow progress, are all ingredients that can lead to wanting to call it quits. And it almost happened to me a few nights ago.

Moving into the direction of wanting to coach, formally, has come with a steep learning curve. I’m taking morning minutes to do social media or blogs, I listen to seminars and courses on my drive to the studios, I squeeze in creating a framework and doing homework during Sebi’s bath time.

A few nights ago, Sebi fell asleep within 5 minutes of hitting the sack, and I decided to squeeze in an extra hour of work before bed. I know in my being that I so deeply want to transform people’s lives. That I have the experience, expertise and education to do this. And while my WHY is so clear, as I was trying to find the words to encapsulate the who, the what and the how, I got stuck. I looked at my notebook questioning - “What am I offering that’s original”? “Why would someone choose to work with me when everyone and their dogs is doing this right now”? “Is this work going to result in anything”?

Needless to say, the evening silence is NOT where I do my best work. I know that now. But it did allow me to sit in doubt for a bit. It allowed me to feel what losing trust in myself feels like. Neither feel good. Neither feel like a place you can make progress from. But sometimes you need to feel these things in order to understand that this is NOT where you want to devote your energy.

Teaching yesterday, I was reminded (as I am every time I teach), that so many students are putting their trust in me on the daily, and that I take that responsibility very seriously and feel beyond grateful to be entrusted with it. That snowballed in me walking the walk and putting the trust in MYSELF, so that in turn, I can be someone who inspires others to put the trust in THEMSELVES.